How many do You "own"?

by Lidia

 

Since stepping into this lifestyle, I have heard many respectful debates and discussions regarding owning more than one submissive. For the sake of this article, I will be writing about online. I am of a strong belief that online and real time is very, very, very different. At one time, I would not have thought so, but since living each, I know this to be true. Back to the subject at hand: this topic can encompass two or more submissives, be it males or females, who share a Master/Mistress.

This dynamic is common among the Gorean community of role-play, where they even have a First Girl on a chain of slaves, something that generally would not sit well in the world of BDSM. I have found that submissives like to be thought of as equal in all ways with one another, but is this possible? There is always a first. There is always a more experienced. Everyone is special in their own way. It can be confusing, so I will speak first of my own experience. I have, in the past, owned more than one. In some ways it was wonderful. Variety adds to the spice of life, right? All of them were caring, wonderful people, genuine in their submission and willing to do what it took to please and be pleased. The growth I experienced during this time cannot be measured, and I was lucky to have such beautiful people in My life.

Now, the flip side: it was a very demanding schedule for Me to keep up with, and not just in a sexual way. The time constraints and real time limitations just made it that much harder to make the relationships last. Was there jealousy? Sure there was. We are people. It is only natural. I would question anyone in a relationship like this who says there have zero jealousy, though sometimes it can be, for the submissives, a "sisterhood" or "family" bond in which to share a unique experience together. That bond is strong and wonderful, yet I know of only two D/s families that have lasted more than a couple of years online.

Why did this not work out for Me the 3 times I tried it? I was unable to keep up. That is the most honest answer I can give you. Of course, there is much more to it... however, the effort and time it takes to build a lasting relationship of Dominance and submission requires LOTS of care. I will not say I failed, I will say it just didn't work. I know VERY few for whom this has worked. I have had countless conversations with those on both sides of the discussion, and generally it ends with someone not being happy or satisfied and leaves everyone concerned, confused, and disillusioned.

The questions would be, How do you make it work? Is it possible to have a lifelong relationship with more than one submissive? Communication is the KEY, as in every relationship. TALK. If you are upset, open your mouth and say something, don't let it fester. Dominants must set clear expectations and guidelines; submissives must know where they stand in the relationship. If you are considering bringing in an additional sub, talk to the current sub. What are their thoughts? Don't allow yourself or the sub to get caught up in the honeymoon of it all. Some might say, it doesn't matter what the sub says, the Dom/Domme makes the rules. I call bullshit on that one, for if you care about your sub and your relationship, it is priority to include them in your decision.

So at the end of the day, when all the dust settles and it's quiet in a nice, loving setting or in a moment of pain and pleasure... always remember that each relationship is special, unique, and matters. However, if you put yourself and yours into a relationship that includes multiple subs, take care of that so that no one ends up in a puddle of hurt. How? Well, W/we each are different... O/our needs are different. Its up to you to recognize that , and to educate yourself before diving into a relationship with more than one submissive. As for Me? One submissive is about all I can handle, and I am more than happy with what we have together in this lifestyle and beyond.

For further information, I suggest this article: Multiple Subs